Over and over lately, God has been showing me that He is all that matters and He is enough. Jesus is enough has been the theme of every day lately, the last thought in my head before I sleep, the first thought when I wake up, the constant beat of my life every crazy minute. "Jesus is enough, Jesus is enough, Jesus is enough"
Lately, when I feel sad or discouraged or overwhelmed, emotions that tend to follow me wherever I go, I ask myself "Is Jesus really enough for this? Can He really satisfy the aching emptiness I sometimes feel?" The answer is always a resounding "Yes".
I can say I've tested Him- I've tried in the quiet lonely hours in the evenings when the kids are sleeping, the laundry is overflowing, the mirrors are toothpaste-spattered, the books are falling off the shelves, I've tried to say that He is not going to be able to meet me. I've turned on the TV, I've eaten some ice cream, but every time I've gone down that road, I know I'm just using an anesthetic to dull the ache rather than the scalpel of God's word to cut out the flesh infected with discontent and pride... every time. When I choose to lean into the ache and trust that Jesus is enough, the words He has told me over and over and over and over, and I open His word and I ask Him to show me what I'm not seeing, man, every single time, He meets me. He has never left me alone. Never once.
Sometimes I don't want the answer He gives. Sometimes I want to say "No, this is not the way I want it to be!" and stomp my foot and pout like the 2 year old I sometimes am. But then.... His sweet gentle quiet voice reminds me of the truth that "I, I am He who comforts you" (Isaiah 51:12) and "I am the God who pleads the cause of His people" (Isaiah 51:22). He is a Rock. He is the One that I can fully rest all of my anxiety and fear and loneliness and know that I am loved. I am cherished. I matter.
When I stop pouting and crying and begging for my own way, I say with Paul that forgetting all that is behind, all I want is to strain forward for the prize of knowing my Jesus more. He is all that matters. And I will never ever run out of Him. There will never be a time that I have learned all there is to know and I'm bored. The restlessness in my soul finds its home in the deep never ending love of the person of Jesus. When my eyes finally look away from myself and all the things I think will satisfy and turn to my Jesus, I can't tear my gaze from Him. He is everything.
