My Thoughts on Halloween- and holidays in general-

Ok, so I just put on Facebook that I just don't like Halloween. I honestly thought- Hmm, maybe I shouldn't say this- it will probably offend/annoy most people I know-but I said it anyways because I really don't like it and I just wanted to say it.

But then I thought I probably could go into my actual reasoning a little more... so here I am.

I was thinking, while dragging a wagon full of kids and candy from house to house- how it is just so odd that first of all, kids come to my door expecting me to give them candy, and secondly, that I am taking my kids to other people's doors begging for candy. What a weird tradition.

At one house, a guy took a picture of Caleb. It really creeped me out. I know he was taking a picture of his wife, dressed up in her costume, giving out candy but still- it just seemed strange to take a picture of my child.

Now, there are a lot of things that I think are weird, like the whole candy ritual, and adults dressing up in costumes, especially adult men in green spandex super-hero costumes (I really saw this, before I quickly averted my eyes) :) but beyond the weirdness, there is so much about this particular holiday that disturbs me. If it were just kids dressing up in innocent costumes and asking for candy, ok, well, that's strange but not that big of a deal. But what I don't like is all the gory costumes, on children and adults, all the skulls and other gore hanging around people's houses.... I really don't like my kids seeing that. But it's everywhere. People decorate so much for this day.

So I looked up the origins of Halloween because I wanted to be an informed blogwriter and it originates with the Celtic holiday of Samhain which is apparently when the Celts believed the barrier between this world and the next was thin on this night and let some harmless and some harmful spirits cross over into our world. So people dressed up and put scary decorations around to scare away the bad spirits. Well, that doesn't sound great to me... doesn't sound like a tradition I need to continue. Now, my kids dressed up as a doctor, Snow White, Cinderella, and a Nascar driver. So- it's not like they were dressed up as demons and whatnot but we certainly saw way more of that than I would have liked. We also saw a lot of provocatively dressed teenage girls and women- also not something I would usually let my kids see- I was thinking that if we were watching TV and there was all this gore and spookiness, I would turn it off right away so why was I walking around in it? We did go home once I had that thought.

Adam told me that someone he knows from work plans his whole year for Halloween. It's the biggest holiday of the year for him. I know a lot of people, Christians included, who think Halloween is such a great thing and such a big deal and can't wait to "celebrate" it. It just feels so pointless to me. I was thinking about that as I walked along and I think it's because it is one of the few holidays that has no tie to Jesus. That's probably why a lot of people who don't know Jesus love it so much, because they can celebrate without any "religion" interrupting their lives. But I have no idea why Christians like it.

When I look in the Bible, I see that God set up holidays to be observed. He is big on that- the Israelites had tons of feasts that God told them to observe and celebrate. I think of Purim later on in the Bible which celebrated how God delivered the Jews from Haman and their enemies in Persia- But there were no holidays just for the sake of having a holiday. Every one had a specific purpose and specific thing that they were remembering and thanking God for. So a holiday that has no purpose and no reason to thank God is really not a God-ordained holiday, right? Is that a fair conclusion?

By far, my favorite two holidays are Christmas and Easter. Christmas, because I love the month before when we really focus on God's plan of redemption culminating in the birth of Christ and Easter when I remember how Jesus died for my sins but rose again from the dead and conquered death so I can live. All the goofy things like Santa Claus and Easter bunnies just don't even register for me. I don't even think about them because that isn't what those holidays are about. I kind of hate when people ask my kids questions  like "What do you want Santa Claus to bring you?" because my kids just sort of stare at them blankly and then I feel absurdly guilty like I'm not a good parent if I don't tell my kids there is a Santa Claus and that is what Christmas is all about even though I don't believe that at all and it's totally against what I am teaching them about Christmas.

I guess for me- I can just see how everything in my life comes back to Jesus. When I look at my days and weeks, my whole week is looking forward to Sunday, certainly to the responsibilities I have at church and how I need to make time in my week to get my work for church done, but also to how I need to have a pure heart before God when I get to Sunday so I can worship Him with my fellow believers because I don't want there to be a division between me and God or between me and my "family" at church. That's what my week points to. When people talk about how they are looking forward to the weekend, I think, one day is pretty much like the next, why does it matter? Sunday is the only day in my life that is significantly different, that I really look forward to.

This is not to say at all that I think relaxing or having fun or celebrating is wrong. Not at all. I like to have fun :) And I have a lot of pointless recreational time in my life- well, not a lot- but some. Anyways, I'm just saying that as a whole, anything in my life that doesn't point to Jesus is not worth much to me. So Halloween, which some might argue points directly away from Jesus, is just a silly empty "holiday" celebrating nothing and causing endless fights over candy in my house for weeks to come.

That's all I have to say about that :)

Responsibility

So, I don't know that anyone really reads this infrequent blogging of mine but I really want some feedback on this- so please let me know what you think. Ok, here's the topic- What is the Christ follower's responsibility for caring for the orphans and widows in distress all over the world?

The other day, we were reading in this book called Window of the World (I highly recommend it) about Bangladesh and for some reason, it struck me more than any other country, that the children of Bangladesh are born into such a hopeless situation. They have so little, their land is constantly being flooded by various natural disasters and thousands die from disease, poverty, tsunamis, you name it- it seems like they just can't get a break. I just kept thinking about them that morning- these little children who don't have anything- these men and women who are just living in despair. Later that day, I went to Kohl's and bought some shirts for my girls. Honestly, they really don't need anything. They have so many clothes- I'm not sure why I bought them but I did and I looked at the tag at home and it said "Made in Bangladesh".

I've always thought about the world, I've always cared, but lately, I care a lot more and I feel so responsible but I don't know what to do. I think of these places, like Bangladesh, Thailand, China, India, where we Americans can get cheap labor and I really don't know what I should do. Do I stop trying to get good deals because I'm not sure if people are being exploited so I can buy a cheaper shirt? Do I just accept that this is the way of the world? I really don't know for sure that anyone is doing anything wrong. I haven't done any research into this. It's just this gut feeling that Bangladesh is a mess of a place so how can they be treating their employees fairly at any of these clothes producing plants?

Do you see my dilemma? Is this something anyone else has wrestled with? if so, do you have an answer? It breaks my heart to think of the starving, suffering people in this world but I don't know what I can do to make a difference. I do know there are good organizations out there that pay a fair wage to people to help them climb out of their poverty. I know there are organizations like Compassion International and World Vision teaching and feeding children. We sponsor a little girl in Uganda and my kids faithfully pray for her. I have to say though, until recently, she didn't seem real to me. I'm not sure why. I don't like what that says about me. But lately, she has been on my heart. I think about her, I wonder what her daily life is like. I wish I could do more than just send $38 a month. She always writes and asks when we are going to come and see her and I feel guilty for thinking, I don't really want to go to Uganda. Though lately, I would really like to meet her and hug her and just love her. I don't know how that could happen though.

I'm praying God will just stretch me and show me what I can do to make a difference in this world. I know His heart breaks for all the heartache all over this world. I don't want to be so comfortable in my cushy American life that I can't be bothered by the troubles of third world countries, that I just think of Bangladesh as a place where they make cheap clothes.

I think it would really be a blessing to travel the world. I haven't been very many places. I went to Russia once but it was a pretty sanitized time- with 200 other Christians- I'm pretty sure I didn't get an accurate picture. Now I seem a bit stuck in the MidWest but the Lord has opened my heart up so much more and given me such concern for these broken places in the world. I think it would be nice to actually physically understand the world beyond America.

For now, I would just love to hear any opinions on this- especially on what you think about shopping at places where you are pretty sure they exploit workers in third world countries to bring you good bargains... that's really hard. Am I supporting their behavior by shopping there? Am I perhaps over-reacting because I dont' actually know that anyone is being exploited? Talk to me :)

Passion

I've been thinking a lot the last couple days/weeks/months about how more and more, all that really matters is Jesus. It used to be that I could sort of relegate my Christianity to my circle of church friends and my Sundays but lately, it consumes me. I think this transformation has really taken off in the last couple years. Maybe it's just that as I've grown up, I've solidified what I believe and what my priorities are. I don't know- I think it is that I opened my heart to Jesus, just a little crack, fearful of what might happen, and little by little, He is consuming me. I love it.

Last night, we had a baptism service at our church and I was thinking back to when I was baptized. I was only about 6 or 7. When I think of that time, I remember having a pure, simple love for Jesus and knowing without any doubts that if I wanted to go to Heaven, I had to follow Jesus. I was baptized by a dear man, Pastor Dix. He is still in my life today- When I was little, I thought he was an angel. Mostly because I had really bad eyes as a kid and before I got glasses, he always seemed to have this fuzzy halo of light around his head as I watched him preach. Really. So I assumed he was an angel. But once I could see a little better, I still thought he was such a kind man. As he has aged, he has only become more like Jesus.

When I think of baptism, I think of it as putting a stake in the ground and saying "This is it, I am on Jesus' side. For better or worse, I'm following Him". As a kid, I don't think I really understood all that entailed but now, I love Jesus with such a passion. I think of Christians in other countries who are killed and tortured because they believe in Jesus and I think of how Jesus says Blessed are you when men persecute you for My sake- I understand that. I understand how suffering for the sake of Jesus is a cause for joy. I love Jesus so much- to have the opportunity to suffer for Him even a little seems like such a privilege.

I've been thinking about how this deep passion plays out in daily life though. As I am transformed, I see how the little battles in my mind are getting easier to win. When my mind starts to say that I am worthless and a creature of sin, I used to just run with that and wallow in my depravity but if I look at the last year, I see how those times are getting farther and farther apart. And when I do hear those words of condemnation, I turn to Jesus right away. I know that I am precious in His eyes and any voice that says differently is from the pit of Hell.

I don't really have much cause to stand up before evil men and declare my love for Jesus but every day, I have opportunities to declare to Satan that I belong to Jesus. I feel like there is such a battle for the souls of my children. I feel it raging around me sometimes- when I'm not close to Jesus, I easily slip into anger and pride and selfishness, giving my children opportunities for resentment and bitterness and destroying any testimony I might have with them. I have to constantly be on guard against those fleshly desires so that Jesus can shine through me and touch my children's lives. I have to stand up to the forces that want to pull me away from Jesus and say "No, I will give my life for Jesus- He is my passion, my desire, nothing else matters"

I don't feel like any of these thoughts have a good conclusion- it is a lot of rambling. I'll keep pondering.. the bottom line is- I love Jesus and I'm in awe that He loves me enough to change me and make me like Him.

Family

I've been thinking a lot in the last week about how much I just love my church family. I can't imagine what life with no church would be like. Our church has this tradition on the first Sunday night of the month- after communion- we all stand around holding hands in a big circle and sing Blessed Be The Tie That Binds. Last week, it was the usual chaos of trying to make the circle stretch all the way around and fitting everyone into a spot because it seems like there is never an option to just not hold hands, at all costs, the circle WILL be completed! I ended up holding hands with two people who I think I can safely say I would not have ever just held hands with in the course of my daily life. As I looked around the circle, I was just struck by how dear all those fellow believers are to me. We may all have little quirks and totally different personalities but we love Jesus and we're family. Thank you Jesus. What a gift to have this community here on earth!

No Time

I just wanted to say that I've really wanted to write about some things this week but I've had no time to sit down- or at least not more than one minute at a time. But hopefully soon.... or I'll just have to start writing one sentence at a time and it will take a really long time to get a whole thought out;)

My citizenship

I just briefly had the TV on while I was doing dishes. We only get about 5 channels so I don't watch TV that often, anyways, I was watching the news, which was kind of dumb (the news was, they seemed to have nothing to say about anything) and then there was a commercial break and the entire break was just commercials of politicians saying why their opponent is terrible and they are wonderful. It kind of baffled me. It was actually only 2 guys going back and forth bashing each other in a series of about 8 commercials. I thought- They are sure spending a lot of money and emotional energy on this and the reality is, one of them will lose. It just seems kind of a silly use of time and money- but really, I do believe in the American system of politics, more or less so I'm not saying anything negative about democracy. I just think it's kind of ridiculous to spend so much to talk bad about someone else.

I actually do have a point- I'm just taking a while to get to it- anyways, I started thinking about how I'm not a citizen of this world- how my true citizenship is in Heaven. Sometimes I just want to think about that. I want to just forget all of this and think about how in Heaven, it will all be made right. I feel like when it says the Lord will descend with a trumpet and a loud cry, He will say "ENOUGH!!!!" It's such a mess here on earth, you know? I wish I wasn't a part of the mess.

That's the other thing I was thinking about- how I'm just really not worthy of Heaven. Today alone, I've been selfish, easily angered, unkind, dishonest, prideful. Yuk. I wonder what God's purpose is in keeping me here. It seems like once we accept Him, we should just get to go to Heaven so we don't mess up God's image. I'm sure that the hope is that I will make good choices and reflect Jesus to those who don't know Him but the truth is, I may reflect Him 1 out of 100 times and the rest of the time, I'm reflecting the world around me. I'm so thankful that He even bothers with me. I do know that He is changing my heart, little by little, as I let go of all the trifles I'm hanging on to.

I'd like to think that I will someday be a great woman of God- along the lines of Elisabeth Elliot, Ruth Graham, one of those ladies... but someone recently said to me that all the great men and women of God spent most of their lives just doing the mundane things of life, paying bills, doing dishes, raising children. The difference is that I think they were willing to be used by God and not hanging on to anything of this world. I want my days to be a song of praise to my Father, not just a list of trivial tasks done in a mediocre way. I pray that tomorrow, I will be a little more worthy of Heaven and fit in less here on earth.

A Caterpillar Tale

Caleb and I were in the garage, marvelling at a fuzzy caterpillar. Caleb kept touching it and laughing and picking it up and letting it crawl on him. It eventually curled up in a ball for its own protection, I'm sure. Caleb tried to get it to crawl on him again and then suddenly, he stomped on it, spraying caterpillar guts all over my leg. Good times....

Why I believe God

Hmm, well, I said it might be a while before I wrote more but now that I started thinking about it, I can't seem to stop so I'm just going to write out all that I've been pondering regarding my belief in God.

 This pondering stems partially from the recent news that someone I grew up with, who attended church with me for at least part of my life, has decided that Christianity and all religion is foolish and there really is no god. I think there are probably a lot more issues involved but just the fact that one could examine fully all the tenets of Christian life and come to the conclusion that none of it is true kind of threw me. It made me really think- Why do I believe this? Is it that I have just been spoon fed my whole life and so I just spout out all that was poured into me? Is there really any foundation for my belief?

Well, let me answer that with a resounding, YES, there is a foundation. Maybe I did grow up always going to church and learning about Jesus but that doesn't mean that I never tried to walk away from Him. It doesn't mean that I don't know what life without Jesus could look like. As simplistic as this may sound, I believe God because He has acted in my life. Without God, I have no doubt that I would be a broken mess of a person. I could give specific examples of times that I know without a doubt that God intervened to save me from my inevitable self-destruction. There is no other explanation. God has saved me.

My kids and I are studying how different world religions started this year in our history studies and as we've talked about the beginning of Islam and the beginning of Buddhism specifically. I've really thought about why some people believe these teachings so passionately and disregard Christianity. When I first read about Buddhism, for example, I get it. I understand why the people of that day wanted something else to believe in, some way to make sense of all the pain and suffering of the world. What I don't really understand is why they thought that they could ever make everything right themselves- even the fact that they wanted there to be justice cries out that there must be One who is ultimately the definition of justice. When I read about all that, it just makes me sad to think of how many people are trying to save themselves.  Kara, my 7 year old, said after studying this "So, the difference is that with Jesus, we are free, right?" There's no better way to say it.

I can say without a doubt that I cannot save myself. I do know that I need to be saved. I know that there is an absolute good and an absolute evil and there is no way on my own that I can ever be good or measure up to that absolute standard.

What I want to say is that this is not just a "Sunday School', childish, immature belief. I KNOW that God is real, that He demands justice, that He offers mercy through the cross, that for some reason He loved me enough to reach down into my mess and save me. It wouldn't matter at all if I said "Well, I've examined all the evidence and I don't believe there is a God". He wouldn't cease to exist anymore than a child disappears when she covers her eyes. God doesn't need me to believe in Him. He exists completely apart from me but I know that I cannot exist, really live, except in Him and through Him.

Praise His Name.

Lately I've been thinking about how I'm always talking to... someone... in my head about all that I'm thinking through and praying through. Sometimes I actually talk out loud to real people about it but most of the time, I'm just telling myself what I'm thinking. So I decided to start writing it down mostly for myself so I can make more sense out of it.


Ok, so lately, like in the past couple months, this quote by Elisabeth Elliot has been a big source of meditation for me. She says "Let us beware of rebellion against the Lord. Circumstances are of his choosing, because He wants to bless us, to lead us (even through the wilderness) out of Egypt, that is, out of ourselves. Settle the complaint with God and it will settle other things. Be offended with God, and you will be offended with everyone who crosses your path."

I've been reading through Exodus with my girls lately, using the Ergermeier Childrens Story Bible which I highly recommend. As kid's Bibles go, I think this one does a great job at speaking to children but not leaving out the real aspects of humanity and sin in the Bible. Some Bibles I've seen for little kids just completely leave out things like Cain and Abel and Abraham sacrificing Isaac- I don't think it can be a real Bible if you don't have important stories like that included.

Anyways, I've been reading Exodus so I've been thinking about what it means to be led out of Egypt and how that is really being led out of myself. The Israelites didn't have a good life in Egypt when they finally left. It was probably great at first when Joseph was alive but obviously, it got progressively worse until they were treated bitterly and enslaved. I can certainly see how I am often enslaved to sin- like greed, pride, selfishness, ingratitude- so what does it mean to be led out of myself? Why should I beware of rebellion against the Lord's leading?

Well, I think a lot of times, it's easy for me to forget why I'm in a wilderness or why I'm feeling deprived of things that I don't really need but things that perhaps God has removed from me so I can learn to depend on Him, just like the Israelites had to learn to depend on Him instead of depending on their Egyptian captors. Even though life in Egypt was so bad, they so quickly rebelled against God as soon as their bellies were hungry for more than manna and they wanted to go back to Egypt. My girls always laugh/roll their eyes when we read "And again, the Israelites complained against the Lord" because it seems like it happens so often. But I rebel against the Lord so often too. I start to complain in my heart or unfortunately, out loud, about how hard life is for me when God IS providing all I need, maybe just not all I think I want at that moment.

So the main phrase that sticks out to me in this quote is  "Be offended with God and you will be offended with everyone who crosses your path". When I find myself easily offended, it is a quick reminder that perhaps I am being offended with the way God is leading me. Then I have to decide whether I will continue down my bitter complaining path that will only end in discipline or whether I will humble myself and apologize for my ungrateful spirit and settle the issue with God. That's hard. It shouldn't be though- if I had any common sense.

Well, I've had a lot more thoughts lately but I think that I'm on the verge of rambling incessantly so I better wrap it up till I can think more clearly again. The main topics of my thoughts lately are 1.) Why do I believe in God? and 2.) What do I do with the questions of life- like why do so many evil things happen all the time? How do I reconcile my belief in a loving, merciful God with the pain of humanity?

I will share my conclusions soon- don't hold your breath though :) Not that soon...