I was just now wasting time when I should be going to bed and I noticed that someone I know on Facebook listed Wiccan under religion. Adam and I were just talking about the Wiccan religion recently so since it was linked to a page, I looked at the page. I just like to learn about things. There was a discussion page and I briefly started reading some of the discussions and I was so struck by how lost and deceived these men and women are. For example, one girl was writing about how she can sense spirits but she wants to know how she can communicate with them. Lots of people were giving her advice and then she said something like "my gift scares me but I know I shouldn't be afraid" and I wanted to say, "YES you should be afraid- get away from that!". It reminded me of yesterday in the children's church class I was teaching. We finish up the time with me reading to them from a missionary story while they color or just listen. We're reading The Word Came With Power about Joanne Sheffield and the Balangaos people. Anyways, the part we were at was talking about how the people were just controlled by these spirits who demanded all these sacrifices from them. One kid asked me if that was just made up and I had to tell him, No, there are spirits, and if you are looking for them, you can find them but we need to keep our eyes on Jesus. I wanted to tell him to not even think about it but really, I think it's important to not discount the power that Satan has in our world. For example, in this book, someone's child was dying and a medium came and a spirit spoke through her to say that the spirits were angry because the parents hadn't sacrificed enough. So the parents sacrificed all their pigs and the child immediately got better. Joanne Sheffield was saying how she suddenly realized how the spirits do have power. We can only have hope because we know that our Jesus has ultimately overcome the spirits.
This is kind of rambling I know. I think heaven and the world of angels and heavenly powers has just seemed much more tangible to me lately. I don't want to assume because I have not personally spoken to or looked face to face at an angel that they are just not here. There is a constant spiritual war going on I believe. I'm praying in particular for this one girl I was reading about on that Wiccan site- I'm praying God surrounds her with people who will speak truth into her heart. Oddly enough, she happens to live in a place I'm familiar with- I'm just not sure how to connect that- but I know that God can save her.
And it makes me think that I need to stay so close to Jesus- I never want there to be an opening in my heart to allow Satan to work through me. Isn't it great to know that He has overcome- that in the end, Satan will be cast into the lake of fire? In Sunday School yesterday, we were briefly talking about how the Lord will return in blazing fire and the whole world will see His glory. The thought of that takes my breath away- I think about all the relatively silly things I get hurt by or upset about- I can imagine myself whining about something and then suddenly, the sky will open up and Jesus will appear with all of the angels of heaven. I really pray that when He returns I WON'T be whining! That maybe I'll be doing something useful for Him.
Ok, well, enough of this. This is why I shouldn't look at Facebook when I really want to be going to bed :)
Monday, November 22, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Reality
About a week ago, I heard someone say while talking about her struggle with depression and unbelief that she had to choose to trust that her feelings were not her reality. This is something I've been thinking about a lot this last week.
My husband, whose job has always seemed secure because he is a police officer, found out that there is a good chance he'll be laid off. A week ago, I really couldn't cope with that. We still don't know what's going to happen but I've had some time to think through why the thought of him losing his job caused me such intense emotion. Of course part of it is just fear because we don't have a ton of money saved up and we have 4 kids and a mortgage and life expenses. So I'm afraid about that. But the other bigger thing is that he thinks he would have to get a job somewhere else, far away from here, and I don't want to leave my life here. We love our church, we have friends, we have a good life. I realized that this is the biggest problem for me. I don't like the thought that my life might stray for the plan I had.
I thought that my plan and God's plan lined up exactly and so if it doesn't, I have to decide, will I gladly surrender my plan to follow God or will I go kicking and screaming? God will win regardless but how am I going to handle it? I didn't even realize how tightly I was grasping "my plan" for safety and security and "happiness" until I thought it might be taken away.
I really was struggling last week- feeling completely panicked and angry and desperate- so I decided I needed to think through the worst possible outcome and deal with that so I was not a slave to these feelings. I realized that nothing THAT bad could really happen here. Ok, maybe we'll have no money, worst case scenario- I suppose we could lose our house and have really bad credit but in the realm of eternity, is my credit rating that important? No. Would we end up living on the streets? No. Would we still be together and still have Jesus? Yes.
What if we have to move somewhere and make new friends and find a new church? Well, we've done it before and our marriage is much stronger now and we have a much stronger faith now, so, really, we'll be fine. Maybe God has a different ministry for us.
So though my feelings tell me to despair, the reality is that nothing has really changed, I am still loved by God. He still has a good plan for me. All the days of my life are written in His book. He will not leave me or forsake me. I'm not alone. And (this is the biggest thing for me) He has a plan for me kids, it may not look like my plan for them but He has a special plan for each of their lives. I dont' want to get in the way of His purposes in their lives because I'm trying to create a "safe" world for them.
Real quick, because I need to start my day, I just finished reading in John. I was reading through the Bible but I've sort of stopped in John for a while because my soul is tired and weary and I just want to soak in my Savior. Anyways, I was reading the part where Lazarus died and I was so struck by the exchange between Martha and Jesus. She comes to him saying "Jesus, I wish you had been here to save my brother, but I know that even now you can ask your Father and raise him from the grave". And then Jesus talks to her about life and asks her if she believes that He is the Resurrection and the Life and she doesn't just say "Yes", she says, "Yes, Lord. I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God who was to come in to the world." She isn't just believing in what He can do, she is believing Who He is. That's just huge to me. Do I trust what Jesus can do in my life or do I also believe that He is the Son of God and that He has come to bring me true life?
So this morning, I woke up discouraged and down-trodden. I'm tired. Last night Adam went to a City Council meeting and though there were about 400 people there supporting the police officers, there is no absolute guarantee that his job is ok. I like guarantees. I felt like I needed there to be one. But this morning, Jesus reminded me that HE is my guarantee. The Son of God has come to save ME. What more do I need? So today, I'm choosing to trust my reality over my feelings and live in a way that reflects the reality that I am a loved child of God rather than my feelings that tell me that this world is a scary unsafe insecure place. I have a life beyond my circumstances. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
My husband, whose job has always seemed secure because he is a police officer, found out that there is a good chance he'll be laid off. A week ago, I really couldn't cope with that. We still don't know what's going to happen but I've had some time to think through why the thought of him losing his job caused me such intense emotion. Of course part of it is just fear because we don't have a ton of money saved up and we have 4 kids and a mortgage and life expenses. So I'm afraid about that. But the other bigger thing is that he thinks he would have to get a job somewhere else, far away from here, and I don't want to leave my life here. We love our church, we have friends, we have a good life. I realized that this is the biggest problem for me. I don't like the thought that my life might stray for the plan I had.
I thought that my plan and God's plan lined up exactly and so if it doesn't, I have to decide, will I gladly surrender my plan to follow God or will I go kicking and screaming? God will win regardless but how am I going to handle it? I didn't even realize how tightly I was grasping "my plan" for safety and security and "happiness" until I thought it might be taken away.
I really was struggling last week- feeling completely panicked and angry and desperate- so I decided I needed to think through the worst possible outcome and deal with that so I was not a slave to these feelings. I realized that nothing THAT bad could really happen here. Ok, maybe we'll have no money, worst case scenario- I suppose we could lose our house and have really bad credit but in the realm of eternity, is my credit rating that important? No. Would we end up living on the streets? No. Would we still be together and still have Jesus? Yes.
What if we have to move somewhere and make new friends and find a new church? Well, we've done it before and our marriage is much stronger now and we have a much stronger faith now, so, really, we'll be fine. Maybe God has a different ministry for us.
So though my feelings tell me to despair, the reality is that nothing has really changed, I am still loved by God. He still has a good plan for me. All the days of my life are written in His book. He will not leave me or forsake me. I'm not alone. And (this is the biggest thing for me) He has a plan for me kids, it may not look like my plan for them but He has a special plan for each of their lives. I dont' want to get in the way of His purposes in their lives because I'm trying to create a "safe" world for them.
Real quick, because I need to start my day, I just finished reading in John. I was reading through the Bible but I've sort of stopped in John for a while because my soul is tired and weary and I just want to soak in my Savior. Anyways, I was reading the part where Lazarus died and I was so struck by the exchange between Martha and Jesus. She comes to him saying "Jesus, I wish you had been here to save my brother, but I know that even now you can ask your Father and raise him from the grave". And then Jesus talks to her about life and asks her if she believes that He is the Resurrection and the Life and she doesn't just say "Yes", she says, "Yes, Lord. I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God who was to come in to the world." She isn't just believing in what He can do, she is believing Who He is. That's just huge to me. Do I trust what Jesus can do in my life or do I also believe that He is the Son of God and that He has come to bring me true life?
So this morning, I woke up discouraged and down-trodden. I'm tired. Last night Adam went to a City Council meeting and though there were about 400 people there supporting the police officers, there is no absolute guarantee that his job is ok. I like guarantees. I felt like I needed there to be one. But this morning, Jesus reminded me that HE is my guarantee. The Son of God has come to save ME. What more do I need? So today, I'm choosing to trust my reality over my feelings and live in a way that reflects the reality that I am a loved child of God rather than my feelings that tell me that this world is a scary unsafe insecure place. I have a life beyond my circumstances. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
Friday, November 12, 2010
Stairway to Heaven
Last night I was driving home really late and I was listening to Moody Radio. I started in the middle of a message by James Ford Jr and so I don't completely know what he was talking about but he briefly mentioned John 1:51 which says "I tell you the truth, you shall see haven open and the angels of God ascending and descending on the Son of Man." It just so happened that I read that exact verse this morning in my quiet time and I remembered hearing last night that it was in reference to Jacob's dream about the ladder- in Genesis 28. Jacob saw a stairway reaching to heaven and the angels of God were ascending and descending on it. (Genesis 28:12). Ok, so here's the super cool thing- in Genesis, this staircase rests on the earth with its top in the heavens. So it's the connection between heaven and earth, right? In John, Jesus references this staircase but instead of a staircase, the angels of God are ascending and descending on the Son of Man. So- do you see that? Jesus reveals Himself as the bridge to Heaven- isn't that the coolest? I've read that verse a ton of times and never thought about what it meant- how the angels were ascending and descending on the Son of Man- I love Jesus.
Another thing I noticed is that both places it says the angels were "ascending and descending", not "descending and ascending". So do you see how it sounds like they started here on earth and ascended into the heavens- I believe in angels but I don't think about it a lot but here it just seems so clear that there are angels all around us and to discount their presence and activity in my life is so foolish. Just in the last few days, I've been ridiculously discouraged about some life events (I'll write more about that later) and God has firmly made His presence known in my life. It wasn't subtle at all- I was worrying about a financial need the other day and it was provided for almost immediately by an anonymous gift. Seriously. I just felt like "Ok, God, I'll stop worrying, You have it under control" He really does. He is active and moving and present.
Another thing I noticed is that both places it says the angels were "ascending and descending", not "descending and ascending". So do you see how it sounds like they started here on earth and ascended into the heavens- I believe in angels but I don't think about it a lot but here it just seems so clear that there are angels all around us and to discount their presence and activity in my life is so foolish. Just in the last few days, I've been ridiculously discouraged about some life events (I'll write more about that later) and God has firmly made His presence known in my life. It wasn't subtle at all- I was worrying about a financial need the other day and it was provided for almost immediately by an anonymous gift. Seriously. I just felt like "Ok, God, I'll stop worrying, You have it under control" He really does. He is active and moving and present.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
A Quick Follow Up
I said I would keep thinking about the whole problem of shopping cheaply at the potential expense of those living in poverty around the world- So, I think I've concluded that there is no real answer. I like things to be black and white and have a concrete right thing to do but in this case, and in a lot of cases, there just isn't really an answer. I do know that it would be wrong for me to just live my life without even considering the hands that have made my cheap clothes and other items around my house- I don't want to live in a bubble.
I don't know why I was born here with so much instead of in Vietnam, India, somewhere like that. I don't know. I don't think it's because I am somehow more loved by God than any of the children around the world. I think it would be wrong to think that I have somehow done anything to make myself worthy of the blessings in my life. I don't really have an answer- but I'm going to be thankful for what the Lord has blessed me with and pray that I hold it with open hands.
A couple years ago I read this book- Money, Possessions, and Eternity by Randy Alcorn and it really made me think. He was talking at one point about how it isn't wrong to buy a nice car, for example, but if I could buy a functional car for a little less so I have more to give away, then that is better. He also talked about how we are sort of like UPS drivers- we get these possessions but not so we can just keep them- it's so we can deliver them and be used by God to bless others- just like it would be goofy for a UPS driver to keep every package he had in his truck- that wouldn't be fulfilling his purpose.
So I think that I need to live wisely, more so than I have been, and really consider where I'm spending my money and what God could be doing with that money.
Someday I want to maybe adopt some kids from one of those destitute places but I think that might be a ways down the road. We'll see. That makes me wonder too- how could I adopt a couple kids and leave thousands?
Hard questions for me...
In the end, I guess I need to live one day at a time and listen to the Spirit in me and be generous with my time, my money and myself.
I don't know why I was born here with so much instead of in Vietnam, India, somewhere like that. I don't know. I don't think it's because I am somehow more loved by God than any of the children around the world. I think it would be wrong to think that I have somehow done anything to make myself worthy of the blessings in my life. I don't really have an answer- but I'm going to be thankful for what the Lord has blessed me with and pray that I hold it with open hands.
A couple years ago I read this book- Money, Possessions, and Eternity by Randy Alcorn and it really made me think. He was talking at one point about how it isn't wrong to buy a nice car, for example, but if I could buy a functional car for a little less so I have more to give away, then that is better. He also talked about how we are sort of like UPS drivers- we get these possessions but not so we can just keep them- it's so we can deliver them and be used by God to bless others- just like it would be goofy for a UPS driver to keep every package he had in his truck- that wouldn't be fulfilling his purpose.
So I think that I need to live wisely, more so than I have been, and really consider where I'm spending my money and what God could be doing with that money.
Someday I want to maybe adopt some kids from one of those destitute places but I think that might be a ways down the road. We'll see. That makes me wonder too- how could I adopt a couple kids and leave thousands?
Hard questions for me...
In the end, I guess I need to live one day at a time and listen to the Spirit in me and be generous with my time, my money and myself.
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