Lately I've been thinking about how I'm always talking to... someone... in my head about all that I'm thinking through and praying through. Sometimes I actually talk out loud to real people about it but most of the time, I'm just telling myself what I'm thinking. So I decided to start writing it down mostly for myself so I can make more sense out of it.


Ok, so lately, like in the past couple months, this quote by Elisabeth Elliot has been a big source of meditation for me. She says "Let us beware of rebellion against the Lord. Circumstances are of his choosing, because He wants to bless us, to lead us (even through the wilderness) out of Egypt, that is, out of ourselves. Settle the complaint with God and it will settle other things. Be offended with God, and you will be offended with everyone who crosses your path."

I've been reading through Exodus with my girls lately, using the Ergermeier Childrens Story Bible which I highly recommend. As kid's Bibles go, I think this one does a great job at speaking to children but not leaving out the real aspects of humanity and sin in the Bible. Some Bibles I've seen for little kids just completely leave out things like Cain and Abel and Abraham sacrificing Isaac- I don't think it can be a real Bible if you don't have important stories like that included.

Anyways, I've been reading Exodus so I've been thinking about what it means to be led out of Egypt and how that is really being led out of myself. The Israelites didn't have a good life in Egypt when they finally left. It was probably great at first when Joseph was alive but obviously, it got progressively worse until they were treated bitterly and enslaved. I can certainly see how I am often enslaved to sin- like greed, pride, selfishness, ingratitude- so what does it mean to be led out of myself? Why should I beware of rebellion against the Lord's leading?

Well, I think a lot of times, it's easy for me to forget why I'm in a wilderness or why I'm feeling deprived of things that I don't really need but things that perhaps God has removed from me so I can learn to depend on Him, just like the Israelites had to learn to depend on Him instead of depending on their Egyptian captors. Even though life in Egypt was so bad, they so quickly rebelled against God as soon as their bellies were hungry for more than manna and they wanted to go back to Egypt. My girls always laugh/roll their eyes when we read "And again, the Israelites complained against the Lord" because it seems like it happens so often. But I rebel against the Lord so often too. I start to complain in my heart or unfortunately, out loud, about how hard life is for me when God IS providing all I need, maybe just not all I think I want at that moment.

So the main phrase that sticks out to me in this quote is  "Be offended with God and you will be offended with everyone who crosses your path". When I find myself easily offended, it is a quick reminder that perhaps I am being offended with the way God is leading me. Then I have to decide whether I will continue down my bitter complaining path that will only end in discipline or whether I will humble myself and apologize for my ungrateful spirit and settle the issue with God. That's hard. It shouldn't be though- if I had any common sense.

Well, I've had a lot more thoughts lately but I think that I'm on the verge of rambling incessantly so I better wrap it up till I can think more clearly again. The main topics of my thoughts lately are 1.) Why do I believe in God? and 2.) What do I do with the questions of life- like why do so many evil things happen all the time? How do I reconcile my belief in a loving, merciful God with the pain of humanity?

I will share my conclusions soon- don't hold your breath though :) Not that soon...